*This is kinda long, but well worth reading, trust me*
Okay so I’ve thinking about change a whole lot lately. It really hit me when I was speaking at youth group wed. night. For years I’ve thought about what I would say to the group on Senior Night 2007. Well wed. afternoon came and I had forgotten about it for a few days prior. I had planned on talking about Unity and Ephesians 4. I did mention it, but i didn’t even read the scripture I had typed out and highlighted in my hand. I just talked about my time spent at The Rock and how my life has changed and developed there and as I stood in front of that crowd knowing that I would only be a part of that group for 2 more Wed. Nights, the 5 years that I spent there flashed in front of my eyes.
From my first time in the “upper room” to the grand opening of The Rock , From my first night as a worship leader to my last winter retreat. The one thing that stayed the same through all 5 years was change. Things were always changing there, not only in the ministry, but in me. I can happily say that looking back at the little punk kid on stage attempting to be a rock star in a worship team at a small youth group 5 years ago and looking myself now I know all of the changes were for the better. I had some crazy highs and some waaayyy down lows, but in the end... I’m a better person. It’s just so weird to be able to look back. I remember being young enough to only remember birthday parties and christmases...but now I can remember significant life decisions and big events that came and went in a blink.
All of that changed me somehow. I got a little like this around graduation, but the school stuff is so much less permanent. The Rock and my christian journey isn’t the fabricated teenage years that you can watch on TV. Its not just nice memories of friends, dances and activities. Don’t get me wrong, that’s all great, but it doesnt come close to the real impact that my Youth Group and God himself had on me...and the impact that I’ve had on myself.
There’s a thought... we can impact ourselves positively and negatively. There is some truth to all of the super hero movies and Star wars and even some cartoons for that matter. There really are 2 forces at war in side of us...we just have to pick self we allow to impact our lives and which one we bind up... it gets real bad when one’s characteristics start to merge with your “other half” inside of you. That is the root of depression and unfaithfulness and loneliness just to know a few, but the most obvious product of us allowing our evil/human self to attempt to use some of its characteristics when our intentions are to live our lives as our spirit self is blatant hypocrisy. My hypocrisy wasn't always obvious, actually almost never for that matter, but I know darn well that my “christian” speech and attitude didn’t always line up with my actions. I just learned how to sidestep things. To the point at which I got so good at convincing myself that I wasn’t doing anything wrong that I actually believed my own lies... this of course was just what cause the dips in the roller-coaster of my life, when I look back at the grand scheme of things. What I really notice isn’t these bad changes that happened, but the times when the real me was there. The times when my outward appearance and the spirit man in me were completely aligned. I’m very happy with the person I’ve become. I am not saying this out of pride, but rather out of amazement and praise to God for the person he’s made me.
As you’re seeing, change is always there and now more than ever. Tonight I was in my car driving home and for the first time in my life I got upset about growing up. I’ve always been the one to want to be older and always pushing for the future to come faster, but now It’s time to go after that future and I felt like Im just being thrown out there. I felt like all of my preparing and acting like i was ready to grow up was for nothing. It’s crazy to think that in less than 4 years ( which used to seem like a lot, but now It feels like nothing more than a few months) I will be done with school and living on my own.
I’m now seeing why colleges are so full of sex, drugs. partying and just wild kids. Its because we’re all going through a rough time... even the most ready to go person gets this way deep inside somewhere. There is a longing for familiarity. There’s something inside of all of us that wants to feel like we belong and like we can stay a kid forever and still have that safety, but that’s just not the case and we all know it. So everyone has as much fun and acts as crazy as they can because they think that will prepare them for the real world and make the transition easier on them. I can see why they’d think that, because hey... everyone’s doing it and it feels good and we only get this carefree opportunity once so why not enjoy it right?
That’s not the case for me tho... luckily for me I know better, because If I didn’t know what I am about to say I would be just like those kids if not the worst of them. Im not going to end up like that tho, because I know that God has always been there and will always be there. I know its cliche’ and we its said a lot, but its the truth. To think back on all of the changes I’ve gone through and to think ahead and think of all of the change thats happening now and in my future one thing has always been true.
God was there. When I cant get ahold of my old friends, and when no one else is home when I come back for a visit and I feel like I’m alone...God is there. He’ll always be there. When you feel like you have no one to share a part of life with...share it with him, after all he made it all happen anyway. I’ll always share life with my family and my friends and of course my girlfriend, but no one can come close to the conversations i can have with with my true father, God. Any memory that can ever come up or any rough transition that I’m in that no one else has to go through, God will always be there to listen to his son talk about the great things he’s done and to help me through those times.
That is my comfort and my strength. That is what keeps me faithful and true to God, myself, and everyone else. The saviour of all of us, the creator of the world, my best friend and my greatest guide will always be there with me. I know this has been more of a book than a blog, but please if you’ve read it all take it to heart and leave me a comment to let me know how you feel about it...God Bless You... you can get through this whole life thing. You are never alone.
Deuteronomy 31:6
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you
