Embracing the Cracks.

Over the last couple of months I have been studying the life of David. This study started when I realized that I wasn't taking anything from my devotions. Occasionally a proverb or something would resonate with me and I'd carry it around all day, but this was not a frequent occurrence and other than that I wasn't diligently studying anything. I knew that I empathized a lot with king David as a worshipper, but I did not know his story well so I decided to begin to study him.

In the weeks to come my pastor took us through a series covering 'Kings'. It was a powerful series and encouraged me even more in my study of King David. Then before leaving for Christmas break my pastor a book to read that he took much of his inspiration for that message series. The book tells the story of David's brokenness. I have not finished the book yet, but from what I have read I have begun to think even more into this concept of brokenness.

Tonight while reading the book one thought came to me.

Only when we are broken can the true spirit flow into and out of the cracks.

Nothing can be put into or pulled out of our hearts without a crack.

Cracks hurt don't they? Especially in the heart. A heart crack can come at the worst time and usually does. Once cracked we are given a choice.

What comes out and what flows in?

David was a broken and humbled man forced to a life of fleeing to pits and caves for many years. It was in that brokenness that he cried out to God many of the beautiful songs we find in the book of Psalms. David allowed his pride and selfish ambition to be pulled out and God's peace and spirit to flow in through the cracks.

We are given a choice. I will talk later about how at times we can choose brokenness, but it is when can't choose it... when we are cracked by outside circumstances that we are given that most important choice.

What flows through the cracks?

Do we embrace the brokenness like David and allow ourself to flow out of the cracks and more of God to flow in? Or do we push out truth and God's spirit and allow ourselves to be filled with bitterness and hate?

Cracks are revealing.

Lord knows we hate that. We don't like people to see the cracks and certainly not what is just beyond them... We like to hide our hearts and the darkness hiding behind the cracks. But maybe a good crack is a chance for someone to get in and help us to fix the inside.

Cracks are good and necessary.

Its not normal to embrace pain. No one likes being hurt and broken, but it is the best thing that could happen to you. David became the great king that he was through embracing the cracks.

Now is the chance to choose to be cracked.

Mark 8:34 "...if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me"

The cross is the greatest symbol of brokenness that the world has ever seen. Christ chose a horrible beating and an unimaginably painful death over a throne and glory so that we could be saved and through that an even greater glory came for Him. Because He could now share in it with us.

Our greatest glories will come in after the cracks.

We can achieve a lot on our own, but not nearly as much as we can through God and nothing we do on our own is lasting or anything of worth.

Choosing brokenness is not choosing pain or to run into the wilderness like David, but choosing to deny ourself and accept a broken life. This is a great and difficult act of humility, but as with every other topic I bring to you... there is freedom in knowing its not about you (or me). Once we make it past the initial pain and sense of vulnerability God can start to move into the cracks.

If we are already cracked and broken before the throne life's cracks aren't nearly as painful and life-shattering.

Cracks will come. Let God fill them and let yourself flow out.

Embrace the cracks.

Identity Crisis

We are born with an inherent desire to "find ourselves." From birth we are constantly trying to find our place in the world and find out who we even are. Through adolescence we are willing to do almost anything to latch onto an identity with friends, family, school, whoever will let us in. In college we've basically got who we are figured out and were starting to figure out what to do with that. As we get older we come to grips with that identity; good or bad and ride it out until the end.

But what if were wrong...

What if the identity that we've put on ourselves is not who we truly are at all...

What if somewhere along the way we've allowed other voices or even our sin and struggles to mark us...

I am worthless.

I am a sinner.

I am not loved.

I am a cheater.

I am an addict.

I hurt people.

I can't be trusted.

Is that really who you are? What a sad existence... completely bound to a negative view that can totally control your decisions and emotions. I mentioned all negative examples, but finding your identity in positive things can hurt just as much. If your identity is entirely found in being a teacher, artist, writer, student etc. you become bound to a performance mentality. You find yourself lacking wholeness unless you're doing that thing... and doing perfectly at it.

What if we all could realize that who we are is not at all dependent on what we do... but by who's we are.

When we allow those identities to control our thoughts and our own view we are giving the control to their source. Who is that? Is it other people? Is the person you see in the mirror entirely based on what you've been told you are? Yet again... this is as harmful with good things as bad.

So who does your identity belong to?

Your friends?

Your boyfriend/girlfriend?

Your parents?

Your leaders/teachers?

The media?

The church?

Your Past?

God...?

Look at that list. Some of those sources can lead to some dangerous and lifeless identities. If your identity is solely set on what happened in your past you aren't going to get anywhere. If its set on other people they get to make you into who they want you to be. Even those closest to you can change things in you just because its what they want you to be. You need solid Godly influence that will push you into who you are called to be and into your best life possible.

But what if...

we let God give us our identity.

He is eternal

He is perfect

He is love

He is the greatest father in history

He knows all

He knows your future

He knows your past

So why not give him control of the present? Search through His word and let Him know that He gets to tell you who you are. He will pull things out of you and gift you with things you could never imagine. The bible gives us a perfect example in Christ. We are called to be like Him and no identity is better than His.

No one knows you like He does.

No one loves you like He does.

No one's plan and identity for you is greater than His.

So let Him tell you who you are. Your past is forgiven and washed in the blood. There is no need to cling to those old and broken identities.

You are new

You are powerful

You are whole

You are beautiful

You are safe

You are His

You are loved

Jeremiah 29:11

“ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Hello my name is Brandon... and I am a love addict

This monday was labor day and we are that much closer to the end of summer. Summer ended for me nearly a month ago, but the rest of the world has about three weeks left. The summer of 2009 will surely not be forgotten. God managed to take my world and turn it upside down, inside out and backwards in just a few short months, but it was a wonderful time of growth. I originally planned on writing out a blog containing all the details of that crazy summer, but I decided against that. I thought it would be much more beneficial to just pull out the main theme of my summer, which has continued into this year.

I have become a love addict.

Before I explain the addiction I have to explain the revelation that set it into action. As I pushed through ropes this spring, embarked on my missions trip & began ministry work at home one phrase rang out in my head...

"It's not about me"

That phrase came to me as I did push-ups in the mud during ropes. I was at the end of my first year at ORU, still tired from the stresses of the year and completely broken by all I had been through. I was in no condition to be doing a high-intensity training camp for missions. I just wanted to relax and detox myself from the crazy year I had experienced. God had another thing in mind for me (He always knows what's best... even when my opinion differs from his). The Lord knew that what a needed wasn't a pillow and a comfy bed to lay in while the semester gently faded away. I needed a mud pit, some nasty scenario food & 5 days of little sleep.

I needed to be broken.

About two days into my ropes experience my view changed from that of disdain and frustration to that of brokenness & love. I embraced the last few day of ropes and God worked in me in a way that I never saw before. Ten years into my walk with God I had never been so aware of the mentality that this Jesus thing is "Not about me".

It is all about Him.

It is all about the Cross.

It is all about love.

Love was always an important and frequently pondered topic to me. Last year I was even to the point of planning an entire book about my journey to find love. My plans for that book were full of good intentions, but were selfish in execution. The whole plan was focused on my journey, my stories, and my understanding of love. God isn't focused as much on my ideas about love, but how I can be active in love and catch the love happening all around me. That being said I'm not sure what will come of that book idea, but that my idea of love is very different now.

Love is a choice.

This summer I was in a youth service and my pastor said that simple sentence. Those four words took my view of love shook it down and flipped it around completely. It made me realize that when you say "I love you" you aren't merely recognizing an emotion. You are showing them that regardless of their emotions, actions or desires you are going to show them love. Love gives of yourself and makes room for what they need most. Love chooses to think of that person before yourself... even when it hurts. God's word says it best. "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."-John 15:13 To lay down your life doesn't necessarily mean to die, but to give up your ambitions and your motives in order that someone else's life would be blessed.

Love is often thought of in such a romantic sense and I understand why, but for me this newfound love addiction is not related at all to romance. I'm addicted to that pure self-giving love. I'm addicted to seeing love around me in everyone. I'm addicted to loving people where they're at. I like to learn how people work and figure out what loving them means.

As a person in youth ministry I am constantly working on how to best love and serve the kids I interact with. One of the most rewarding things for me is when they act in love with each other or other people. It is so exciting to see them sold out for the Lord and what He has for them. Thats an amazing love that certainly can't be copied by emotions. That is the love that can bring joy to my heart and bring me to the verge of tears. My Jesus is truly amazing and I love to see others fall in love with Him.

What can I say... its an addiction...

The Body

This blog will be shorter than usual, but this could not go without writing. A couple in our congregation experienced a great loss this weekend. The wife was pregnant and was very close to her due date (not sure on details... sorry) and on friday she gave birth to a still-born. Our pastor rushed to the hospital in the very late hours of the night and prayed with them and dedicated this sweet life to the Lord. The woman told our Pastor that all she wanted to do was get to church on sunday, knowing that the Lord would bring her through. That is an amazing story of faith and strength in and of itself, but that isn't the amazing part

Today in the 9am service at my church something amazing happened. Our pastor told this story and then asked the family to stand so that they could be prayed for. He then instructed friends to come around them to lay hands on them and hold them up in prayer as a body. This happens a lot in church, but normally just a few people nearby will grab a shoulder while the rest of the congregation stretches their hands toward the person in agreement. Today was different. When Pastor gave that instruction people from all over rushed to the couples' side. Including most of the choir running down to be with them. I just stood on stage in amazement. I have never seen such beauty in grief in my life. The church was truly being the body of Christ. They ran to show love in the midst of their own schedules and own agenda for the morning. I have a close friend that plays in the band with me on sundays and after the service we just shared with eachother about how beautiful that was. His exact words to me were "that's the body..." How true! The body of Christ holds is held together with love. I don't know what else to say about what I saw today, but I know that it will stay with me... that was beautiful love...

Grace

I normally make a feeble attempt at witty titles for these things, but with this one... not much else can be said. Today I was in the car and a random memory popped into my head. You know... like when you're driving and you see a place or hear something and it is a trigger that sets off an explosion of memories. It is as if your past was bottled up somewhere in your mind just waiting to infect your consciousness  Anyway... something like that happened today and I thought for a moment... wouldn't it be great if life had an eraser? Not necessarily a do-over,  just an eraser. Life would go on as it is, but your past never happened. It has no way of creeping up on you and making you feel all of the negative emotions that comes with it. It just doesn't exist. I then thought about how this would be nice, but it is not the case. 

Then I remembered that grace is that eraser. I know it is a cliche' Christian view of life... but it's true... Not only does grace allow us to be forgiven, but it allows us to get away from our past. We learn from the past of course... but it has no hold on us. We don't get to do it all over again, but we get to move on. We get to move forward. The sad thing is we often hold onto our past. Were too stubborn to just accept grace. We think we owe God something or that we deserve the continued pain of what we've done. The truth is we can never do anything to deserve Grace... so no matter what you think you owe God you'll never repay it. Thats what Grace is... unmerited favor. Allow God to help you to deal with the hurt that your past lifestyle brings and allow Him to erase it. There is a great new life ahead of you... embrace it.

The Inkpen Summer

I have been home for about 24 hours now and my Summer is just beginning. I have so much I want to share about my first year at ORU, my first missions trip, my ropes experience and everything in between. Not to mention all that my summer will entail. It is still a mystery to me, but I know that God has a plan for the next 2 months of my life. Even if that plan is just for me to write music and work on my book... that is quite alright with me.

 That is why I'm calling this the inkpen summer. It is my time to write. I have had so many experiences this year that I need to write down and so many revelations that I want to share with you. When life is moving at 200 miles per hour its hard to take time to write it all down. So now I have 2 solid months to relax, read and write out all of those locked up thoughts. 

On top of writing the blogs and working on the book I will be working hard to get a few solid songs written for my EP. God is opening the door for me to record an EP next semester and I am very excited about it. I hope to bring glory to His name through my songs and I know that He will give them to me throughout the Summer. 

All that to say although i don't have any big Summer plans I have an exciting Summer ahead of me nonetheless. 

Worship Fast

Fasting is important. We know this. Many Christians do not fast nearly as much as they should, myself included. We don't fast because we think that we can't handle it, we are selfish and just don't want to do it or we don't fully grasp the importance of fasting to our lives as Christians. This blog is not to discuss fasting food even though that is the standard and most effective way to fast. My topic of discussion today is fasting music.

Music is a big part of my life. I don't go more than an hour or two with out poppin my iPod in my ears. By my calculations I listen to music for a minimum of 90 minutes every day. With the average song lasting about 3 minutes that means I hear about 30 different songs throughout my day. I have the one of the most random itunes libraries I've ever seen. It is about 7,000 songs ranging from musicals to country(like 10 songs) to worship to heavy metal and everything in between... like I said... random. Many youth pastors strongly encourage students to listen to only Christian music. While I do encourage young people to steer clear of secular media, I have to admit that a large chunk of my music is not by Christians. I do avoid content that is profane, violent or sexual in nature, but if it is clean and has a good message chances are I'll give it a listen.  I wish the Christians had better music... however, that is a whole different discussion. I think what you can "handle" listening to depends on your current spiritual level & how much that music affects you.

Time to contradict myself... you cannot say that the music wont affect you. Humans are very impressionable beings and what we let in is what will come out. We can see this natural principle in the Word of God. Matthew 12: 34 tells us that "out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." Whatever you let into your eyes and ears does make its way into your heart. I know that by listening to love songs you aren't just going to fall in love. I also know that listening to the Wicked soundtrack doesn't make you believe in witchcraft. I understand that your music does not directly change your thoughts, but it does start to play in your mind and heart. One of the greatest attributes of music is that it has the ability to make you feel things when you hear it. There are songs that can make you happy, sad enough to cry or pumped up to work out. This is where the fast comes in.

Over spring break I got to spend a few days at Southeastern University with my oldest friend, and a guy that I just met (but I am sure that I will stay friends with). During one of our many conversations throughout the weekend the guys told me about a fast that they had done. They said that they set aside a certain amount of time and listened to only worship music. I told them that it sounded like a really cool idea, but I left it at that. Throughout break and my first week back at school I just continued to listen to random music. Lots of the usual pop-punk and Christian jams (Christian doesn't necessarily mean that the music is about Christ... anyone else notice that?) I have gotten really jaded by worship music lately. Other than a few standout artists (David Crowder Band, Hillsong London, Worth Dying For just to name a few) all of our current worship music sounds the same. I realized this when my sister asked me if  a band was gospel before I put the CD in. She assumed in advance that the CD would be boring if it was Christian just because that is the lovely reputation that we have given ourselves. God has recently birthed a strong new desire in me to write worship music that kids like my sister will actually enjoy listening to. I have gotten off-topic, but all that to say that worship music is not the majority of what I've been listening to.

This weekend I started listening to worship music a lot more again. No reason really, I just came across a Planetshakers CD in my library that I haven't listened to in a while and got addicted to it again. Through the weekend I kept listening and then sunday I wrote a new worship song. I haven't written a full song in a long time. And as far as upbeat songs for worship this is the first one. That is when it hit me. What I was pouring into my ears & spirit all weekend through listening to worship had came out of me through my writing. This morning I remembered what Brandon & Justin told me of in Florida and I have now started my fast. From now until next week I won't be listening to anything but worship music as long as I can help it. I am not just doing this to improve my worship songwriting, but to renew my mind. The same renewal that we receive through reading the Word can come to us through listening to it in music. For as much as I listen to music I know that using this time to worship will put my focus on God for much of my day. I'll be blogging about this again in a week to let you know the great things that God did through this time. I encourage you to pray about it and give this fast a try for yourself. If you do it please leave me comments on my facebook or on my blog to let me know how it goes.

Be Blessed and stay electric!

Brandon

Lovequest: Intro

A little over a month ago I began something that I call my Lovequest. Early last semester God called me to take a period of time to focus on Him and give Him my heart completely. One day in the prayer room at school I felt impressed upon to start writing a book and the name Lovequest came to me and stuck. This is the opening pages of the book. I will explain more after you read the beginning pages of my Lovequest.

I now stand facing my 20^th birthday with less than a month left to call myself a teenager. I am a college student and while it feels like a great portion of my life is behind me I am aware that this first quarter of my life has been a great time of development. Many people would not consider this to be an ideal time to begin work on the daunting task of a book, but I find the timing to be perfect. This book is all about searching for God and more specifically about searching for love. What better time for me to write about this search than when I am actually in it. I have not found what love is completely, nor have I stopped searching for God even a decade into Christianity. I am fully aware that this search is one that will last my entire lifetime, so essentially this book in your hands should never have been published, but I am trusting God for a release to stop writing at some point in my search in order to help others get to that point. I cannot say when I will reach that point. It may take until my next year of school, my first year of marriage, my 10^th year of ministry or some other milestone, but I do plan on giving you a timeframe throughout this book. I want you to be able to fully experience this quest in the way that I do. If at some point in my quest I have a change of opinion I will not go back and edit out my previous thoughts. I will just add a chapter with my new ones. I understand that this is unorthodox and frankly quite confusing, but that is part of the quest. To fully learn and grow in love the way that I am going to you have to be willing to change your opinions even after you think you are fully established in your thoughts. The first group of chapters is full of my previous changes of opinion. My belief in the one true God of love has never changed, but subsequent beliefs have not always been so definite and you will discover that about me very quickly. By the time you finish reading this book I pray that you will have an idea of what my heart looks like. Through that I hope that you will be able to more greatly discover your own. I should warn you right from the start that the image you will see is not always a pretty one. The heart that you are about to study is one full of scars and broken ties, but never forget that it is covered in the blood of Christ and to see it for all that it is you have to look into Christ first. Please press on and keep reading through the tough parts. You would have a very distorted view of love if you stop reading this book halfway through one of the many stories that are about to unfold. Our quest will be one that is not always easy, sometimes scary, full of vulnerability, eye opening and one that leads straight to the cross and the epitome of love. I genuinely appreciate you for reading this far and I hope that you will join me on my quest for love…

Well that's it. That is what I will be focusing on during the rest of this year and the rest of my life for that matter. God needs to show me what love is and I cannot wait to figure that out. God is always amazing me with His love. I keep seeing how much more chill it is than I ever knew. God smiles a lot. In the month that I have been looking at the subject of love I have seen it more places than I ever have before. there is so much love out there. We just have to choose to receive it. I've been waiting all week to hear from God about some stuff and in His usual loving nature He decided to show what I needed to see in the most unlikely of places. I'm sitting in an airport thinking about the love of Christ. His love is amazing. The Lovequest will continue and I have much more to share, I just wanted to give you a basic idea of what I was doing.

God Bless You

I love you

Brandon