Hello my name is Brandon... and I am a love addict

This monday was labor day and we are that much closer to the end of summer. Summer ended for me nearly a month ago, but the rest of the world has about three weeks left. The summer of 2009 will surely not be forgotten. God managed to take my world and turn it upside down, inside out and backwards in just a few short months, but it was a wonderful time of growth. I originally planned on writing out a blog containing all the details of that crazy summer, but I decided against that. I thought it would be much more beneficial to just pull out the main theme of my summer, which has continued into this year.

I have become a love addict.

Before I explain the addiction I have to explain the revelation that set it into action. As I pushed through ropes this spring, embarked on my missions trip & began ministry work at home one phrase rang out in my head...

"It's not about me"

That phrase came to me as I did push-ups in the mud during ropes. I was at the end of my first year at ORU, still tired from the stresses of the year and completely broken by all I had been through. I was in no condition to be doing a high-intensity training camp for missions. I just wanted to relax and detox myself from the crazy year I had experienced. God had another thing in mind for me (He always knows what's best... even when my opinion differs from his). The Lord knew that what a needed wasn't a pillow and a comfy bed to lay in while the semester gently faded away. I needed a mud pit, some nasty scenario food & 5 days of little sleep.

I needed to be broken.

About two days into my ropes experience my view changed from that of disdain and frustration to that of brokenness & love. I embraced the last few day of ropes and God worked in me in a way that I never saw before. Ten years into my walk with God I had never been so aware of the mentality that this Jesus thing is "Not about me".

It is all about Him.

It is all about the Cross.

It is all about love.

Love was always an important and frequently pondered topic to me. Last year I was even to the point of planning an entire book about my journey to find love. My plans for that book were full of good intentions, but were selfish in execution. The whole plan was focused on my journey, my stories, and my understanding of love. God isn't focused as much on my ideas about love, but how I can be active in love and catch the love happening all around me. That being said I'm not sure what will come of that book idea, but that my idea of love is very different now.

Love is a choice.

This summer I was in a youth service and my pastor said that simple sentence. Those four words took my view of love shook it down and flipped it around completely. It made me realize that when you say "I love you" you aren't merely recognizing an emotion. You are showing them that regardless of their emotions, actions or desires you are going to show them love. Love gives of yourself and makes room for what they need most. Love chooses to think of that person before yourself... even when it hurts. God's word says it best. "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."-John 15:13 To lay down your life doesn't necessarily mean to die, but to give up your ambitions and your motives in order that someone else's life would be blessed.

Love is often thought of in such a romantic sense and I understand why, but for me this newfound love addiction is not related at all to romance. I'm addicted to that pure self-giving love. I'm addicted to seeing love around me in everyone. I'm addicted to loving people where they're at. I like to learn how people work and figure out what loving them means.

As a person in youth ministry I am constantly working on how to best love and serve the kids I interact with. One of the most rewarding things for me is when they act in love with each other or other people. It is so exciting to see them sold out for the Lord and what He has for them. Thats an amazing love that certainly can't be copied by emotions. That is the love that can bring joy to my heart and bring me to the verge of tears. My Jesus is truly amazing and I love to see others fall in love with Him.

What can I say... its an addiction...

Lovequest: Intro

A little over a month ago I began something that I call my Lovequest. Early last semester God called me to take a period of time to focus on Him and give Him my heart completely. One day in the prayer room at school I felt impressed upon to start writing a book and the name Lovequest came to me and stuck. This is the opening pages of the book. I will explain more after you read the beginning pages of my Lovequest.

I now stand facing my 20^th birthday with less than a month left to call myself a teenager. I am a college student and while it feels like a great portion of my life is behind me I am aware that this first quarter of my life has been a great time of development. Many people would not consider this to be an ideal time to begin work on the daunting task of a book, but I find the timing to be perfect. This book is all about searching for God and more specifically about searching for love. What better time for me to write about this search than when I am actually in it. I have not found what love is completely, nor have I stopped searching for God even a decade into Christianity. I am fully aware that this search is one that will last my entire lifetime, so essentially this book in your hands should never have been published, but I am trusting God for a release to stop writing at some point in my search in order to help others get to that point. I cannot say when I will reach that point. It may take until my next year of school, my first year of marriage, my 10^th year of ministry or some other milestone, but I do plan on giving you a timeframe throughout this book. I want you to be able to fully experience this quest in the way that I do. If at some point in my quest I have a change of opinion I will not go back and edit out my previous thoughts. I will just add a chapter with my new ones. I understand that this is unorthodox and frankly quite confusing, but that is part of the quest. To fully learn and grow in love the way that I am going to you have to be willing to change your opinions even after you think you are fully established in your thoughts. The first group of chapters is full of my previous changes of opinion. My belief in the one true God of love has never changed, but subsequent beliefs have not always been so definite and you will discover that about me very quickly. By the time you finish reading this book I pray that you will have an idea of what my heart looks like. Through that I hope that you will be able to more greatly discover your own. I should warn you right from the start that the image you will see is not always a pretty one. The heart that you are about to study is one full of scars and broken ties, but never forget that it is covered in the blood of Christ and to see it for all that it is you have to look into Christ first. Please press on and keep reading through the tough parts. You would have a very distorted view of love if you stop reading this book halfway through one of the many stories that are about to unfold. Our quest will be one that is not always easy, sometimes scary, full of vulnerability, eye opening and one that leads straight to the cross and the epitome of love. I genuinely appreciate you for reading this far and I hope that you will join me on my quest for love…

Well that's it. That is what I will be focusing on during the rest of this year and the rest of my life for that matter. God needs to show me what love is and I cannot wait to figure that out. God is always amazing me with His love. I keep seeing how much more chill it is than I ever knew. God smiles a lot. In the month that I have been looking at the subject of love I have seen it more places than I ever have before. there is so much love out there. We just have to choose to receive it. I've been waiting all week to hear from God about some stuff and in His usual loving nature He decided to show what I needed to see in the most unlikely of places. I'm sitting in an airport thinking about the love of Christ. His love is amazing. The Lovequest will continue and I have much more to share, I just wanted to give you a basic idea of what I was doing.

God Bless You

I love you

Brandon